Insomnia or Anxiety?

I can't really say for sure... It could be a combination of both. I cannot sleep. It's about 11am. I should've been in bed at least by 9am. Being on the midnight shift really does mess with my sleep schedule.

That and I'm stressed out and anxious about just everything. After moving in with my current roommate, life has just become one big ball of stress. It was stressful before, definitely, but after moving here I never got comfortable. Hell, my things weren't even unpacked fully. My roommate, we'll call her Amy, and I had a very rough adjustment. We definitely do things differently. And sometimes (ok most times) she says things but really means something else. She says she doesn't, but previous cases and even the current one proves otherwise. It's gotten to the point where I'm just done arguing about it. She's too controlling and I know that if I even try to argue, she'll blow me off. So what's the point?

I feel like a man in a relationship. You know how the woman just goes crazy psycho on a guy because he didn't read her thoughts? That's exactly how I feel. This recent case- she sends me an e-mail about the last bills to pay. She talks about prorating the rent (since I'm moving out before the end of the month). Well, I already paid her rent for the month of July. So, if she wants to prorate it, I told her the amount I paid over. I suggested that she use the extra money towards any bills I might owe and if I still owe extra, then I'll pay. Well, she flips out about it. Told me that my "precise" amount ticked her off. What the hell? She basically told me in the e-mail that she expects me to pay over the amount because of all the things she's done for me (such as giving me VS bras she didn't want anymore, etc.). Well I'm sorry but when you do something nice for me, such as give me a present, I didn't realize that effected the amount of rent I pay. I guess I should start adding in the times I've treated her to dinner and a movie just for the hell of it and add that into rent. Please. Talk about shit I don't need.

So I'm not dealing with it. I told her I'd pay for rent and the utilities I owe. I told her I'd pay to have the carpets cleaned like you would in any apartment, and I'm out. That's all I owe and that's all I'm paying. Fuck being nice. I'm sick and tired of it.

I feel like I walk on egg shells with her all the time. And for people that know me, know that I don't do that. I speak my mind and if you don't like it, walk away. That's my motto and the way I live life. The only reason I dealt with this situation for so long was because I lived, basically, under her roof and she has such close connections to my job. The last time we got into a fight, she brought some of my coworkers into it and that pissed me off. She tells me she wants to leave work out of our personal life, but I guess that doesn't apply to me.

It's bullshit.

I'm extremely excited to be moving out of the house. I move in 6 days. Right now Amy is out of town and will return by the 26th. So I'll only have to deal with her for 3 days. Then I'm gone.

I'm venting here and I'm probably painting a really bad picture of her. She's not all that bad. I trust her with my secrets. She knows about Kurt (the Sgt) and I, and has guided me through those issues. But, still. She's taught me a lot, yes, but this amount of anxiety and stress I feel is over the top. Some nights I dread coming home- sometimes I don't. Even now, she's not even here, and I dread coming home. Nobody should feel like that. Home is supposed to be the sacred area you can go to escape.

I hope to God that all changes when I move. Remember when I said new beginnings? This is a huge new beginning.