Will It Always...

I don't write poetry, typically. But, I got home this morning from work and felt compelled. I've been dealing with a lot lately and have been meaning to vent on here. I didn't for many reasons. Mostly because I haven't been sleeping. My eyes have dark circles underneath them and they're puffy. The past two days I've been staying up for 24 hours at a time. Not exactly healthy, but that's what this midnight shift does to me. And I'll be stuck here until January.

Anyway. There's been a lot going on with me. Personally and professionally. Dealing with Curt lately has been... well... Frustrating. Very frustrating. Lately, he hasn't been talking to me. He's been out right ignoring me. Until today of course. I went about 2 weeks of him completely ignoring me, to him smiling and being, somewhat, flirty and talkative. When I asked if he had been mad at me he said no. He had that sly smile and look. That look means there's more to what he's saying, but he won't tell me. He probably was just playing games. Wanted me to ask him. I don't know. That sounds like something he'd do. He loves to play games with me, he's said so himself.

I wrote this poem because I thought it described my situation somewhat well.. It's about Curt. I'm infatuated with him. I wouldn't say crush, I wouldn't say love, and I wouldn't say obsession. It's infatuation. Even though I fully know it's ridiculous and a waste of time, it's like no matter what I do I fall back into it. I stay away from him and I'm okay, until I see him. Anyway, here's my poem... I don't promise it's good. I don't follow any of the "rules". I just write how I feel.

Will It Always...

Fresh moments away
Leave me temporarily bruised.
My mind refuses to let go.

It's clouded with images
Of blue green intensity,
Rock hard masculinity.
His reverberating bass
invoking sexual desire.

Long does my mind linger
Until the images become faint.
It struggles to hold on.

Time brings the breaking point.
The weight dissipitates.
Suddenly I see other beauties of this world
And no longer do I ache.

Confidence then conjures arrogance
and I'm impenetrable.
Then he emerges.

Time stops.
My breath stolen away.
The devil dressed as an angel.

He smiles flirtaciously
And gazes deep into me.
Somehow he is grasping
Something deep inside me.
Something I could not reach.

And I am his.

The path that led me away
Did not leave me astray.
But led me back to him.

Will I always
Travel this same road.
Can I ever escape?
Or
Will it always
End in his name?