Anger is Normal

Isn't it funny that people say anger is normal and healthy.. But growing up, when you get angry, you get disciplined? We're subconsciously taught that anger is wrong, even though it's not.

Anger is an acceptable emotion as long as you don't act out on it. That's the catch all.

I saw my counselor yesterday. I spoke with him about "running away". About "functioning" and not "living". My counselor said he disagreed with that statement. He said that by boxing up that traumatic event and storing it away in my brain and not thinking about it is actually healthy and normal. Research has shown that by forcing somebody to face a traumatizing experience that their mind is trying to store away is actually more damaging.

My problem is everything in my life that got disrupted by the experience. I have no interest in sex, with anybody. I may have a fantasy or two, but when thinking seriously of acting it out, I'm disinterested and frankly disgusted. I'm angry at myself and angry at the world. My anger has shifted a little bit off of me and more towards the world now. My counselor says that my anger is a good sign, especially since I'm angry at the world now... Which to me makes no sense, but he said that he notices when this type of anger comes along, it's a sign that I'm moving along in the healing process. Funny how he can see this so clinically and to me it's so personal and emotional. I feel like I'm the only one out there experience all this, which I know is silly. I know there are millions of girls that get raped and have to deal with it the way they deal with it, but I feel alone in my feelings and emotions. I know, it makes no sense.

Anyway.

I guess we'll just see where this rollercoaster goes from here.